The Community Commitment
May 8, 2007 Article
"What My Mommy Taught Me…"
By: Keith O'Brien
“Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!” That’s what my son calls me now. Although he used to refer to me as Dada,
he now uses the same word for both my wife and I. I am sure it won’t last too long, but if I am writing
about it again when he is 5…I’ll be asking you for help!
Since Brennan is calling me Mommy, I am pleading my case that on Mother’s Day coming up, I too
should get breakfast in bed, a mani-pedi, a shoulder massage and a nice dinner. So far, it hasn’t worked.
Mother’s Day is a bitter sweet day for me. Three years ago this October, my mother died from ALS
(Lou Gehrig’s disease). It’s an awful degenerative disease that eats away at the neuromuscular system,
eventually rendering various major muscle systems useless. I think about my mom all the time, and as May rolls
around each year, I take time to reflect and express my gratitude for all of the ways she impacted my life.
At the same time, I get to experience my wife in celebration with our son. This too is bitter sweet. You see,
Michele’s first son died almost 8 years ago when he was just 8 months old. So, as Mother’s Day approaches I get
to experience, and am witness to, a whirlwind of emotions… at the surface, full, real, raw.
Michele and I choose to focus on gratitude. Although we can’t always make perfect sense out of the things that
happen in life, we can always, if we choose, explore meaningful ways that we have grown, learned & developed as
a result. It’s likely that if everything in our lives didn’t happen exactly as it did, our lives would be completely
different today. Change any little thing and it drastically impacts the rest. Since we are grateful for our
relationship, our son, our current life together…we must be grateful for every single thing that has happened up
until now, because every one of them was a necessary part of our journey.
It’s similar with my mom’s journey as well. As her disease progressed, I got to have all the conversations with
her that I wanted to have, many that I avoided over the years. I got to make sure my mother knew exactly how much
I appreciated her, how much courage I thought she had and how many of the traits I value in myself were developed
because of her influence.
I buy her a Mother’s Day card every year and I write to her expressing my gratitude for the life she lived. I
wasn’t always this generous with my appreciation growing up, and this is a lesson I have decided I don’t need to
learn again. I am now conscious to be lavish with praise for the things and people I am grateful for, full with my
emotions, real with myself and those around me. I have wasted too much time trying to be what I thought other
people wanted, biting my tongue and distancing people. All of that stuff is far too much work.
I was reading a book this morning called The Attractor Factor by Joe Vitale and one of the lines was great.
“If you get the lesson, you don’t need the experience.” It’s so often in life that it isn’t until after the
experience that we look back and learn from it. After the divorce, after the car accident, after someone dies,
after a big fight, after a heart attack…and it doesn’t have to be that way.
Every single lesson I learned about myself and how I wanted to live my life during the final years with my mom…I
already knew. In my heart of hearts, beneath the ego and the masks and “need to fit in” exterior…I knew I desired
to be more expressive, to be more loving, and to be more open and honest…I knew all those things already. The
difference was, in the past I didn’t place enough value and importance on them.
We can choose, with any area of our lives, to get and own the lesson without needing to suffer through the
experience first. It’s our choice.
May we all be filled with the vulnerability, strength and vision to make powerful, forwarding, courageous choices
in our lives!
On this Mother’s Day…invest some time being genuinely grateful and make one powerful decision about a lesson that
you can learn now…before the experience.
Namaste’
-Keith-
