The Community Commitment
June 12, 2007 Article

Ten Steps to Finding Peace in Any Situation
By: CoachChar.com
Success.Power.Personal Development

Today I present a quote from Eckhart Tolle, esteemed author of The Power of Now, a book I enthusiastically recommend to anyone who feels that modern life has become dangerously stressful. He says,

"Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Accept–then act. Always work with it, not against it. Make the present your ally, not your opponent. This will miraculously transform your whole life."

I routinely seek to embrace what is in the present because doing so brings me tremendous peace in the midst of what used to be some very stressful situations. You see, it is only when I focus on the past–which I can not control– or the future–which is not guaranteed–that I become overwhelmed, stressed, or sapped of my strength and energy.

When I focus on NOW, I have the energy to do what is next and I have the clarity to choose my most powerful response to any set of circumstances. I may choose to work with what is, influencing what happens next without ever "worrying" about it or becoming fearful. I may just as easily choose to struggle against what is, causing more of what I don't want to manifest. As the saying goes, "What we resist will persist." I have found this to be true in my experience. Therefore, no matter what occurs in my life, I am committed to accepting what is and finding a way to embrace my present circumstances with a peaceful and powerful outlook.

Ten Steps to Finding Peace in Any Situation:

1. Notice your thoughts and emotions* in response to the situation at hand.
2. Accept the thoughts and emotions you are having without judging them as right, wrong, good, bad, foolish, weak, etc. Remember, although you do have thoughts, your thoughts are NOT who you truly are . Also keep in mind that emotions are powerful signalers that serve to assist us in navigating toward what we truly want if we will only pay attention to them and use them to adjust our course.
3. BREATHE DEEPLY. If possible, completely suspend other activities at this time. Fill your lungs with air and slowly exhale allowing your muscles to relax as much as you safely and realistically can. If it is safe to do so, close your eyes as you slowly and deeply inhale and exhale 2 or 3 more times.
4. Bring your focus to the present. Gently remind yourself that the past is over and the future will take care of itself.
5. Take stock of the situation. Consider what is happening around you, your emotional response, what you want and what options for action exist. This process may seem lengthy at first, but with practice you may find, as I have, that you can do it quite quickly and without much outward show.
6. Look at things from a different angle and pick the most empowering interpretation. If your situation is particularly distressing and you have time to deliberate further, consider several alternative ways of viewing and interpreting your present set of circumstances. A shift in perspective will often result in a new set of choices and options that could not be seen from a previous angle. If you identify more than one way of viewing the situation, decide which perspective is most empowering and advantageous to you.
7. Consider the options available to you from your most empowered perspective. Remember, focus only on what is available to you NOW, in the present.
8. Identify your most preferred outcome to the present situation.
9. Choose your response. This is the option that is most likely to move you closer to what you prefer as a final outcome.
10. Take stock of your emotions again. If you are not yet feeling centered, peaceful and powerful, repeat this process from the beginning.

How To Start Using This Process

This 10 step process may at first seem lengthy and complicated, but the benefits of mastering it far outweigh the costs of learning it. Also, keep in mind that the more skilled you become at detecting your emotions, the faster and easier the process becomes.

To begin learning and practicing this process, print out the steps and keep them where you may refer to them from time to time. Begin first by using them in situations where you have the benefit of time to work slowly from step to step. A stable situation that you have been struggling with for a long while is a good candidate for practicing this process. For example, if you find yourself stuck in an emotional hurricane of grief or rage because your relationship with someone close to you has soured or ended painfully, you can slowly work this process each time the familiar pattern of thoughts and feelings begins. If you work the process consistently, over time you may reasonably expect that the old feelings of rage or pain will be replaced by peaceful acceptance of what is which allows you to move on toward fulfillment.

*BONUS: I realize that some of us are very unskilled at identifying feelings and emotions because we may have been trained and socialized to ignore emotions instead of use them to help us make sound decisions. To become skillful at quickly identifying an emotion as it is first appearing I recommend you:

1. Routinely ask yourself, "What emotion am I experiencing in this moment?" Then, allow the answer to come from within, without judging it or suppressing it.
2. Then, observe any physical sensations that usually accompany the emotion and make note of this phenomena for future reference. You will probably notice patterns that you can use to help you quickly surmise what is happening to your emotional state. For example, perhaps you feel muscle spasms in your eye when you are feeling anxious or angry. Or perhaps you experience the sensation of momentary dizziness when you feel relief.

The greater your awareness of how your body responds to emotions, the better your ability to maintain peace and be powerful in any situation, especially a stressful one.